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FaceBook Status / Funny FaceBook status, messages, quotes - FaceBook statuses funnyRate
 Experience teaches us that people can have power over everything except their own tongue
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 I thought I wanted a
career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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 Women will never be equal
to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
still think they are sexy.
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 Truth is what each of us should tell the police
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 I must be wishing on someone else`s star because it seems someone else is always getting what I wished for.
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 Why do we use our blankets as shields at night? Like is the monster gonna be like ” oh shit….. they have a blanket.. RRRUUUUNNN!!!! ”
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 Physically assaulting your locker when it does not open.
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 Excuse me …. Plesae empty your pockets …. I think you stole my heart.
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 Is On The Toilet (>_<) (o_o) (0_0) ~ (^_^) Ahhhhhhhh That`s Better
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 If a man does not fell in love before forty he’d better not do that afterwards either
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 Want to surprise your girlfriend? Introduce her to your wife.
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 Excuse me is your last name Gillette? …because you are the best a man can get!
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 Steps To Survive A Horror Movie: Never say ” I`ll be back, ” because odds are, you ass aint coming back...
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 What a wonderful child! Is he a cute boy or an ugly girl?
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 Passions make idiots smarter
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 Girl: Mummy? Mum: Yes Dear.. Girl: Is santa Chinese? Mum: emm... no dear... why? Girl: because my doll says made in china!
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 He knows nothing but thinks he knows everything; he is to be a politician
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 Everyone has pretended to die infront their pets to see if they would do anything.
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 That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
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 That Awkward Moment when you change your Facebook status to “single” and your ex `Likes` it.
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 The highest degree of optimism is to go to a restaurant hoping to find a pearl in oysters in order to pay the bill
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 Here, let me tie your shoelaces so you won`t fall for anyone else ♥
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 Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.
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 A ship has its own view on a barbeque
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 Light travels faster than
sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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 Just realized the tooth fairy teaches us to sell our body parts for money!
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 "But mom what if i get kidnapped? " "Trust me, they`d bring you back. "
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 Spongebob has Patrick, Tigger has Pooh, Donald has Daisy and I have you. <3
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 If you don’t have stupid ideas you won’t also do stupid things
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 I’ll be a billionaire once I’m done inventing this device that lets you punch people in the face over the Internet.
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 5 more minutes of sleep really DOES matter!
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 It’s good being a guest. You are fed better
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 Even if you live your life as a open book, people will still wonder which pages have secret messages.
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 That awkward moment when you`re with someone you JUST met. "So.. you like.. uh, stuff? "
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 Sorry, I can’t hangout. My uncle’s cousin’s sister in law’s best friend’s insurance agent’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Maybe next time..
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 A clear conscience is
usually the sign of a bad memory.
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 If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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 Evening news is where they
begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
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 An interesting observation of dentists: jokers often miss the front teeth
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 God made women beautiful so that men could love them and stupid so that that they could love men
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 If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.
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 "Sexy and I know it... " more like Ugly and you show it!
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 When tempted to fight fire
with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
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 I`m jealous of my parents, i`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs…
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 Marriage without conflicts is something as incredible as a nation without crisis
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 Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
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 Techniques is good but the elevator breaks more often than stairs
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 Everything`s funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
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 Don`t forget that the cow goes moo... the duck goes quack quack... and the night club goes, oontz oontz oontz oontz!
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 A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
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 When it comes to love, a woman hears faster than a man says
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 "I wasn`t that Drunk" . "Dude, you congratulated a potato for getting a part in Toy Story. "
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 Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus? A. "Is that you mommy? "
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 You feel kind of cheated after alcohol-free beer
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 You know you`re stoned when you look at your dog and ask "did you say something? "
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 Mom look... mom come on.. MOM hurry... MOM... you missed it.
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 Two blondes were driving to Disneyland and the exit sign reads: DISNEYLAND LEFT. They started crying and headed home. :)
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 EMPLOYEE: If you don`t increase my salary... I will tell the whole office that you have increased my salary...
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 Re-doing a high five until you get it right!!
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 You're never too old to
learn something stupid.
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 Most people are willing to work all day long in order not to think
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 Admit it. ........ At some point in time you`ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
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 "Are you crying? " "No, I`m impersonating a fountain. "
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 Never talk about yourself in a company. Talks will start as soon as you leave
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 If a person has cheated you, he is a swindler, if he lied to you twice, you are a fool
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 Jealousy is the wittiest passion and still the greatest stupidity
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 Any depression should be met with a smile. Depression will think you are an idiot and will run away
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 The akward moment when your brushing your teeth and you realize that your using someone else´s brush

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 If advertisers spent as much money on the improvement of the quality as they spent on the advertisement, their product would need no advertisement
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 "Will be ready in 5 minutes" of A Woman & "Will call you back in 5 minutes" of A Man Are Essentially The Same Thing!!!
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 Everything I like is either Illegal, Immoral, Fattening, Addictive, Expensive, or Impossible.
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 When karma comes back to punch you in the face, i want to be there.. just in case it needs help.
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 I hate when I’m about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.
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 Keeping a secret is a wise decision, but expect others to keep it is really silly
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 When asked “What would you bring with you to a deserted island”, how come no one ever replies, “A boat. ”?
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A Facebook status is an update feature which allows users to discuss their thoughts, whereabouts, or important information with their friends. A user's Facebook status may be updated using the "Update Status" bar that appears at the top of the user's homepage and profile page. Facebook status is one of the key interactive features on Facebook. It allows users to receive information about what their friends are doing, reading, watching or thinking, and provides opportunities for friends to comment and interact based on what is shared. All statuses in this site is in English language.