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FaceBook Status / Funny FaceBook status, messages, quotes - FaceBook statuses funnyRate
 When tempted to fight fire
with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
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 I`m jealous of my parents, i`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs…
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 If you don’t have stupid ideas you won’t also do stupid things
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 Marriage without conflicts is something as incredible as a nation without crisis
[ 2 ]
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 Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
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 Techniques is good but the elevator breaks more often than stairs
[ 0 ]
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 Everything`s funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
[ 0 ]
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 Don`t forget that the cow goes moo... the duck goes quack quack... and the night club goes, oontz oontz oontz oontz!
[ 1 ]
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 A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
[ 0 ]
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 When it comes to love, a woman hears faster than a man says
[ 0 ]
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 "I wasn`t that Drunk" . "Dude, you congratulated a potato for getting a part in Toy Story. "
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 Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus? A. "Is that you mommy? "
[ -1 ]
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 You feel kind of cheated after alcohol-free beer
[ 0 ]
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 You know you`re stoned when you look at your dog and ask "did you say something? "
[ 0 ]
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 Mom look... mom come on.. MOM hurry... MOM... you missed it.
[ -1 ]
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 Two blondes were driving to Disneyland and the exit sign reads: DISNEYLAND LEFT. They started crying and headed home. :)
[ 1 ]
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 EMPLOYEE: If you don`t increase my salary... I will tell the whole office that you have increased my salary...
[ -1 ]
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 Re-doing a high five until you get it right!!
[ 0 ]
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 You're never too old to
learn something stupid.
[ 0 ]
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 Most people are willing to work all day long in order not to think
[ 0 ]
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 Admit it. ........ At some point in time you`ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
[ 0 ]
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 "Are you crying? " "No, I`m impersonating a fountain. "
[ -1 ]
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 Never talk about yourself in a company. Talks will start as soon as you leave
[ 0 ]
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 If a person has cheated you, he is a swindler, if he lied to you twice, you are a fool
[ 0 ]
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 Jealousy is the wittiest passion and still the greatest stupidity
[ 0 ]
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 If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
[ 0 ]
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 Any depression should be met with a smile. Depression will think you are an idiot and will run away
[ 0 ]
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 The akward moment when your brushing your teeth and you realize that your using someone else´s brush

[ -1 ]
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 If advertisers spent as much money on the improvement of the quality as they spent on the advertisement, their product would need no advertisement
[ -1 ]
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 "Will be ready in 5 minutes" of A Woman & "Will call you back in 5 minutes" of A Man Are Essentially The Same Thing!!!
[ 0 ]
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 Everything I like is either Illegal, Immoral, Fattening, Addictive, Expensive, or Impossible.
[ 0 ]
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 When karma comes back to punch you in the face, i want to be there.. just in case it needs help.
[ 0 ]
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 I hate when I’m about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.
[ -1 ]
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 Keeping a secret is a wise decision, but expect others to keep it is really silly
[ -1 ]
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 Truth is what each of us should tell the police
[ 0 ]
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 When asked “What would you bring with you to a deserted island”, how come no one ever replies, “A boat. ”?
[ 0 ]
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 If winning isn't everything
why do they keep score?
[ -2 ]
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 Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out "the rapist" Sincerely, not lying down.
[ 0 ]
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 Roses Are Red

Violets are Red

Grass is Red

Ohh! Shit! There is a fire in my Backyard
[ 1 ]
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 If you want to make a joke tell the truth. There’s nothing more funny
[ 0 ]
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 Facebook is a crazy house People poke each other all day have an imaginary pet farm and talk to walls
[ 0 ]
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 The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
[ 0 ]
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 Today I laugh more often than I did in youth. It appears I simply do not judge people any more
[ 0 ]
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 History always tells a story.. That`s why you must always clear it before your dad uses the computer...!!!
[ 0 ]
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 I had a life, then me and the Internet became friends...
[ 0 ]
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 Money can`t buy happiness? Who ever said that did not know where to shop.
[ -1 ]
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 When washing dishes 98% of people think “Gosh, there’s also a pan to wash!
[ 0 ]
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 That awkward moment when you are in the store and you see your teacher....
[ 1 ]
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 For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember thats where the knives are kept. :)
[ 0 ]
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 Cell phones should have the option to change "airplane mode" to "drunk mode" that way my drunk texts never leave my phone...
[ -1 ]
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 When we are bored we get on Facebook, then we get bored on Facebook so we get off then 15 min later back on. its an endless cycle..
[ -2 ]
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 The awkward moment when your just chilling in your room and doby appears and tells you not to go to hogwarts
[ 0 ]
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 God likes idiots. That’s why he created them so much
[ 0 ]
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 When a man is tired, he does not want to talk about it. This is what differs him from women
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 That Awkward Moment When someone gets accused for something you did.
[ 0 ]
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 It’s good being a guest. You are fed better
[ 1 ]
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 prank call : "Hello, dominos? " ... "Yes, how may I help you? " ... "What`s the number to call Pizza Hut? " ;)
[ 0 ]
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 *Someone follows you on Twitter* YAY, a new follower! , *Someone follows you in real life* HOLY SH*T A STALKER
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 I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money? " I said "Well thats what M. O. M stands for"
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 If you wish to avoid seeing a fool, you must break your mirror :D
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 I hate it when someone apologizes for talking to much. They`re just talking even more.
[ 1 ]
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 Marriage is about give and take. You better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
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 "Hey mom, can I ...? "... "No"... "But mom please .. "... "No"... "Hey dad... "
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 "HEYY COME HERE ITS IMPORTANT!! " . " What", " Can you turn my light off? "
[ -1 ]
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 Sometimes you`re the windshield; sometimes you`re the bug.
[ 0 ]
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 Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
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 You can’t choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls.
[ 0 ]
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 That awkward moment when you scream to your friend across the room and everybody is staring.
[ -1 ]
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 That Awkward Moment when santa has the same wrapping paper as your mom.
[ 1 ]
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 Silence is the best answer of all questions and Smile is the best reaction in all situations. Unfortunately both never help in VIVA & INTERVIEW.
[ 0 ]
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 There are alot of fish in the sea, but I think there’s a hole in my net :)
[ 0 ]
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 Do not ask God the shortest way to heaven – he will tell you the hardest one
[ 0 ]
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 According to statistics, women spent 85% and children 15% of a family budget. The rest is wasted by men
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 I hate it when I realize i was suppose to "Shake well" my drink before consuming it. And once it`s done, it`s done! I missed out on the whole experience.
[ 1 ]
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 Flying isn`t dangerous. Crashing is what`s dangerous.
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A Facebook status is an update feature which allows users to discuss their thoughts, whereabouts, or important information with their friends. A user's Facebook status may be updated using the "Update Status" bar that appears at the top of the user's homepage and profile page. Facebook status is one of the key interactive features on Facebook. It allows users to receive information about what their friends are doing, reading, watching or thinking, and provides opportunities for friends to comment and interact based on what is shared. All statuses in this site is in English language.